The Trailer Park, Volume 2 Suicide Squad, Joy, The Revenant, Spectre, Deadpool, The Hateful Eight

The Trailer Park will be The Bit Players’ periodic haven for discussing all of the biggest trailers of the moment. We take to YouTube and push a a group text to its reasonable limits to hash out our excitements and concerns based on the trailers alone, from those with a connoisseur-level appreciation for the art of trailers to others with a milder approach to the short clips that get us pumped for the movies we love. Enjoy our back-and-forth as we see these trailers for the first time and react to them together.

The Trailer Park will be The Bit Players' periodic haven for discussing all of the biggest trailers of the moment. We take to YouTube and push a a group text to its reasonable limits to hash out our excitements and concerns based on the trailers alone, from those with a connoisseur-level appreciation for the art of trailers to others with a milder approach to the short clips that get us pumped for the movies we love. Enjoy our back-and-forth as we see these trailers for the first time and react to them together.

Suicide Squad

Jarryd Baxter: Bonesaw is ready!

Jeff Pearson: I know nothing about the Suicide Squad. Someone explain why I should be excited about this besides getting to see Will Smith in the limelight again.

JB: I am in the same boat, Jeff. But it seems like that other boat is sinking. This trailer does not look good.

And I love Will Smith.

JP: I guess the appeal is the whole ragtag band of superheroes angle? This is probably just something that you have to have already been a fan of to care about, so I just don't. Give me Mystery Men any day.

Clark Carmichael: I just don't get what DC and Warner Bros are doing with this new slate of movies. It will either be an epic landing or a leg break at the femur. I mean, what are the odds that any of these movies are better than Man of Steel? The trailer for MoS was the single most excitement inducing thing in recent memory. These trailers are not that. I doubt the movies will be.

Anders Oster: As much as I love watching a good leg break at the femur, I'm hoping this will be good. I am actually very excited for this movie though. I am a huge fan of the Arkham video game series and this movie's villains are all ones that I have personally fought and ruthlessly crushed. I am most excited to see Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn because I can't imagine a more perfect person to embody that role. She's a friggin' smoke show and has those crazy eyes. Plus I hear there will be a Batman cameo and I can't help but wonder if it will be Ben Affleck trying to gain popularity for his potential Batman solo film.

JB: Smoke shows, femur breaks, and Will Smith? You guys are talking me into this.

JP: I'm just not convinced. Not even a femur snapping like a twig could save this one for me, I think. The only character I really care about is Will Smith. Just the dude, Will Smith; not whatever character he's playing. Even the Joker seems utterly uninteresting, probably given the fact that he just needed to be retired after Heath Ledger's iconic performance. No need to revisit that.

Maybe I just need to build a rapport with these cats in Arkham, like Anders. That might be the ticket.

CC: I agree with your sentiments on the Joker, Jeff. But it seems the world does not. All I hear anyone talking about is how awesome Jared Leto's casting is. I'm sure we all hope it is worthy of excitement, but I can't help but wince at this trailer. Comic book movies have probably seen their peak for quite some time.

Except for Marvel finishing their Infinity Gauntlet storyline, which has greater implications simply for its scope and vastness in film history.

JP: Yeah I keep thinking that maybe I'm just not the target audience for this (and I'm not), so that could be why this is the least compelling thing I've seen in some time, but with the total dud that was the Fantastic Four, it shows that America just isn't going to eat up whatever masked crusader nonsense studios put in front of them, either. I think all signs point to this being a completely underwhelming movie, both in terms of quality and reception.

Brian Urrutia: So I think this movie actually has some potential to be interesting if only because the premise. As Anders mentioned, this is no mere ragtag bunch of superheroes; these are bona fide baddies. They got kill counts to their name, the Joker has a rich history with audiences (I'm not super amped about Leto either but everyone on the internet sure seems so), nearly all have frustrated a generation of gamers in the Arkham series, etc. A movie that actually has villains as our central protags may bring some nuance to the ol comic-book movie genre. But the movie has to keep emphasizing their villainy and not let their central protag status morph them into empathetic anti-heroes where the drama is how well will they work together with an established hero, say Batman. DC seems to know this too. As Andie also pointed out, Batman makes a small cameo where he's duking it out with the Joker (looks like from the trailer). So if DC can stay true to their villainous protags, then this movie could be even cooler than that "The True Story of the Three Little Pig Books" from elementary school. The stakes are that high.

But do I think that this is going to be executed well enough to be a classic? No. No I do not.

I assume they'll use the same widget we get in most comic book movies: origin/flashback-->recruitment--->training montage-->first run in with antagonist goes wrong-->meeting of the minds in which the defeated protags appeal to sentimentality and restate their goals (real acting takes place here)--> (maybe if we are lucky we get another montage next)-->final boss defeated

JP: I'm going to print that checklist for when I see it to see how spot-on you are.

Just kidding, I'll never see this. 1/5.

BU: A hopeful 2/5 for me.

JB: Hopeful for a 2/5? I'm glad you're keeping expectations at an ambitious level. 2/5 for me as well; Will Smith gets the bump.

BU: Depending on how optimistic Andie is, this movie may get below a 3/5. It may get, like, a D. My favorite grade.

JP: Andie is giving this a 5, for sure.

JB: Mr. 5 Stars.

JP:

JB: I love that he personally fought that ragtag band of villains.

BU: Like, "Listen Bax, you know you gotta low ball this one because ol' Anders 'I give this movie as many stars as I have digits' Oster is going to drive our rating unreasonably high."

This is his battle.

CC: This trailer gets a 1/5 from me.

JP: Anders is going to be none too pleased when he sees this. We're effectively kicking the Suicide Squad while they're down, as he has already laid an impressive ass-whooping upon them. I actually feel kind of villainous myself.

BU: He's always down for a good baddie-beating.

JP: Well then he'll be pleased with our work in here.

AO: I am excited for this movie but I admit the trailer is not fantastic. Good enough for 3 stars from me though.

I'm expecting at least a four or a five from their next trailer.

JP: At least!

AO: The potential is there!

JP: Is there 4 or 5 star material even available for them to work with? They might have to start pulling clips from Ledger's Joker. Or at least your video game footage. Send David Ayer some clips of the cell phone Arkham gameplay video that you sent us!

Ratings:
Anders: 3
Brian: 2
Clark: 1
Jarryd: 2
Jeff: 1

Overall: 1.8/5

Joy

AO: I love the Christmas-themed "You Can't Always Get What You Want."

I'm excited for this sequel. Serene was super boring which makes sense I guess, so maybe Joy will be more fun.

JP:

AO: Thank you, Jefferson.

JP: Although the grammarian in me is itching to say your analogy falls short in presenting the adjectival form of "serenity." I guess this movie makes no sense as a sequel to Serenity, though.

JB: No one saw Serena. Nobody. Only Jeff in the world.

JP: I never saw it. I don't even think it was possible to.

JB: It isn't. Same with that Polar Bear movie. The Ruffalo one.

AO: I really want to know the exact number of people who saw Serena.

JP: Serena wasn't David O., was it?

AO: Because it has to be in the double digits.

JB: Came out over a year ago. Who saw it? No one. Zero.

AO: I don't think so.

BU: Serena — not David O.

JB: I'm very curious about the history of making that movie.

BU: That'd be real bad if he goes to making straight-to-video.

JB: Who had naked photos of whom? Studio exec? J. Law? Serena herself?

I have watched this trailer a few times and still have no idea what it's about. It seems plausible that these could be the same characters from Silver Linings OR American Hustle; flip a coin. I really enjoy these Russell movies but I'm done getting overly excited about them.

JP: I'm kind of in the same boat. It's way too vague to really deduce anything about the film. I guess that's the nature of a teaser, though. At this point it could be about anything.

AO: I liked the trailer a good bit even though I have no idea what it's about. Seeing who all is involved in this movie, they didn't have to try very hard in the first place. 4/5

CC: I can't wait for Joy. David O. Russell is a badass. And maybe that warps my view of this trailer but I'm giving it a 5/5.

JP: I'll definitely be interested to see a trailer proper for Joy. It may have been a bit premature to include the film in the Trailer Park series given the fact that almost nothing is revealed about the movie aside from disconnected shots of the actors, but since it's David O. Russell I felt like we had to. However, if we are truly grading the quality of the trailer rather than the presumed quality of the film (which I guess I've never really done given the fact that Suicide Squad's trailer very well could be a good trailer for a very terrible movie), I can't give it higher than a 3. I just have no idea what to expect yet.

JB: My last comments may seem a bit disparaging, but we should actually commend this trailer for not revealing too much. 3/5.

BU: 3/5.

Ratings:
Anders: 4
Brian: 3
Clark: 5
Jarryd: 3
Jeff: 3

Overall: 3.6/5

The Revenant

JP: Oh baby. Give it all the awards.

JB: I'm pooped. I can scarcely imagine the emotional toll that the entire movie will require. I'm all aboard. This one looks special.

JP: I just want to know, with what time is Iñárritu making this? Didn't he just crush 2014 with Birdman? Does he sleep? It's not supposed to be possible to do this.

AO: This movie looks amazing. Another prime opportunity for Leo to get hilariously burned come awards season. I'll get straight to the point here. 5/5. This trailer is awesome.

JB: He must be a machine. Leo is too. I am with you, Anders. It's an easy 5/5 and maybe the best trailer since Man of Steel.

Leo won't get humiliated this time. Crawling out of the mud is right out of the Descent playbook. If the results are akin to that of a blood bath in a cave, the Oscar is his to lose.

JP: I could watch this trailer over and over. Iñárritu and Emmanuel Lubezki teaming up for straight up action scenes gets my blood boiling. The way the camera follows Leo around during that final sequence and he shoots the dude down off his horse in the distance and the shot never skips a beat. Good god.

CC: The trailer of the year? Or simply showing us the movie of the year? Probably both.

AO: Pretty awesome. Loving all the trailer love. I'd still put Star Wars' 16/5 ahead of this perfect 5/5, but yes, Man of Steel's 25/5 is the best.

JP: I think it has the distinct quality of doing both. Like, this is just unfuckwithable footage it would seem, so any way it's edited together for a trailer is going to make it trailer of the year.

CC: A movie full of amazing-ness. I can't wait.

JP: I kind of agree that Leo isn't going to get his statue with this one. It seems too hyperviolent to get that kind of love despite the fact that I'm sure he will knock it out of the park.

CC: As long as Tom Hardy wins his supporting, I'm good. 5/5.

JP: I'm withholding my 5 for as long as I possibly can to just continue to gush over this trailer. Some serious firepower coming out of Mexico again. This, Birdman, Crimson Peak, the inevitable masterpiece Cuarón is cooking up.

My role in the Trailer Park is apparently to just find (and create) moments where clips from Always Sunny are appropriate.

AO: Someone has to.

JB: I recently saw that episode. "A botched necklift! She's dead as disco!"

Or maybe it was a different one, I don't know.

BU: I think Anders is right with saying this will set Leo up to get "hilariously burned" at the Oscars, especially once Tom Hardy wins for Best Supporting role. 4/5.

JP: You're not getting off that easy, Brian. What takes away that last star? This is easily a 5/5 for me.

Ratings:
Anders: 5
Brian: 4
Clark: 5
Jarryd: 5
Jeff: 5

Overall: 4.8/5

Spectre

JB: I'm not as invested in the 007 franchise as most of you guys, but I'm still pretty excited about this one. The villains in the Daniel Craig Bonds keep getting better and there probably won't be a let down with this installment. As for the trailer itself, it's good but not great.

JP: Just seeing this trailer fills me with all kinds of mixed emotions. On the one hand, it looks awesome. On the other, it reminds me I still have like 23 Bond movies to watch. Which is not appetizing.

CC: Appetizers are, by definition appetizing, Jeff. I agree though that the trailer is good, not great.

JP: Seeing the trailer on the big screen, with that massive Bond theme, got me pretty well hooked.

JB: I'm so jealous that we didn't have that trailer for our Rogue Nation visit. I was going to praise the trailer for not revealing too much, but I'm not sure if that's true. Do we know what's going on in the trailer? Do we ever know what's going on in a Bond movie?

JP: Bond movies themselves don't reveal too much; it's as if they're trailers for longer, more sensical movies yet to be released.

JB: I'm interested in seeing those movies.

AO: I'm definitely completely on board and excited for this movie obviously. I really like the trailer just because I get to finally see Christoph Waltz as Blofeld and see many of the other characters. Looks like there will be some awesome action sequences and cool gadgets too. An the music as usual will be great. Still it seems like it could have been better. Trailer 1 had it going on. Trailer 2: 4/5

JP: I can't imagine how rapey James Bond would be in those extended versions.

AO: I'm sure everything they ever cut were Bond-bedding scenes. There's probably an Inidana Jones-style warehouse somewhere just chock full of those.

JB: Until we find those and make a trailer from them, Bond is getting a 3/5 from me.

BU: 4/5 from me. I feel like this movie will finally incorporate all the consequences and plot elements of previous Daniel Craig Bond movies.

JP: Are Daniel Craig Bond movies noticeably better or different than the previous incarnations? I wonder what influenced that.

AO: Oh yeah, I think they are for the most part. I think the desire to make a good movie is a heavily influencing factor...

JP: What's the point of that?!

AO: I've had the same question during these Daniel Craig Bonds. Hopefully we'll finally find out.

JB: The desire to make a good movie? What a novel idea.

AO: Novels are bad. So this is definitely a bad idea. They've raised their standards too high. They can't keep making awesome movies forever and when they don't, we might see the end of the Bond franchise. Which is absolutely terrifying. I fear the day they stop churning out Golden Fingers and Eyes.

This movie will be awesome though.

JP: But the Bond franchise is founded on bad movies. When they can't keep making good movies, that's when the real franchise kicks back off. This is just a dormant period we have to endure.

CC: I agree, Jeff. These "good" movies are boring.

JP: The most ridiculous part of the Bonds I've seen so far in my (admittedly minimal) research so far was the one where the baddie dumped gas all over Fort Knox and all of the soldiers started dropping like fainted goats. You put "Entrance to the Gladiators" over that and you've got silent comedy gold. I guess I can't count on moments like that in Spectre, though, so I'm going to give this one a 3 as well.

CC: The Spectre trailer gets a 2/5 from me. It doesn't have me as excited as it should.

Ratings:
Anders: 4
Brian: 4
Clark: 2
Jarryd: 3
Jeff: 3

Overall: 3.2/5

Deadpool

JP: *Eyes go blank as another superhero movie trailer plays*

BU: Oh, is this the one where Van Wilder becomes an assassin?

JP: Huh. On a figurative level that basically describes every single superhero movie, doesn't it?

BU: It does when it stars Ryan Reynolds, Jeff! Word on the boards is that this was "the role that he was born to play." And I actually think they're right. He plays Deadpool for about 20 minutes in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, basically eclipsing every other performance in the movie. And I know we all think it's because that movie was awfully bad (Clark can confirm), but Reynolds just feels like the perfect snarky, lethal guy. Yes?

CC: I am not super excited for this but I will still go see it in theaters anyways. At least it will be rated R. That's something different I guess. Can you tell I'm lukewarm on this?

What I really want is for Marvel to announce the Infinity Wars movies will be rated R and feature heavy blood, guts, nudity, cursing and irreligious acts. THAT would be exciting.

JP: Ah, the old 'TV-MA HBGNCIA'

The IA is always the toughest to get.

CC: Yeah, but it is the sweetest.

BU: Has Disney ever released an R-rated movie? That may hold up the Infinity Stones folk from pushing that violence and nudity envelope.

JP: I seriously dread the two minutes I have to lose watching this. I was really tempted to just drop some vague snark and rate it without ever watching.

Related question: who do you think will be the first to do a full podcast episode without having watched the movie?

CC: Great question. Easy answer: Anders. Movie: Jaws.

JP: Only explanation for the 4? Didn't want to seem to eager?

CC: Yeah, he went first. He didn't know we were all 5s. 4 is the safest number. It's a proven fact.

JP: #Jawsgate. Anders is sweatin'.

AO: I stand by that 4. And I'm also standing by this 5 for Deadpool. I agree 100% with Joe on this one. I think this is truly the role he was born to play. And seeing TJ Miller in this is awesome too. After watching the hilarious original short film of Deadpool killing everyone in an SUV on YouTube earlier this year, this trailer was a great follow up. I can't wait to see this character and this movie.

JP: Notice he didn't say he watched Jaws...

AO: My lips are sealed. Unlike Jaws' lips when he eats seals.

BU: Ohhhhhhh!

JP:

BUT JAWS NEVER EATS A SEAL! HE IS PULLING THE WOOL OVER OUR EYES WITH WIT!

CC: Also unlike Seal's lips when he opens his jaws. #Jawsgate.

JP:

JP: My head hurts. That trailer was terrible. 1/5.

JP: Usually I tend to side with Bax when it comes to these kinds of movies, but in this case I couldn't disagree more. It's the SOUL that hurts after watching this trailer, not the head. 1/5.
Actually, 2/5. The inclusion of "X Gon Give it to Ya" is deserving of another star.

JB: Yeah I guess we're just not on the same page, Jeff. I had it at 2 stars before that song.

JP: I mean DMX is no Ja Rule, but...

BU: Every thug needs a ladaaaaayy.

CC: Deadpool trailer gets a 4/5 for me

JB: Lukewarm? And a 4? This MCU grade inflation is worse than Jawsgate.

CC: The trailer! Not the actual movie. And it's not MCU. Geez.

BU: 4/5 from me too! Water's warm.

Ratings:
Anders: 5
Brian: 4
Clark: 4
Jarryd: 1
Jeff: 2

Overall: 3.2/5

The Hateful Eight

AO: I imagine this will be another 5 star movie for me and I can't wait to see Kurt Russell in this, but the trailer just doesn't quite do it for me. As excited as I am for this movie to come out, the trailer didn't do anything to increase my anticipation.

CC: This will be amazing. Mark my words.

JP: Did you watch the wrong trailer by mistake, Anders? This looks amazing.

AO: 3 out of 5 stars. Unsubscribe.

JB: I guess I am just numb from the Revenant trailer, because this doesn't get me going either. It looks beautiful and I'm sure the movie will be good (maybe great). But much like Anders, this trailer, nor anything else, has done anything to increase my anticipation of a new Tarantino movie. It's been pretty high since the moment we heard of its development. 3/5

Though I am pretty excited for the reprise of the most under-appreciated comedic actor of this or any generation.

BU: Couldn't say it better myself, Andie and Geri. 3/5 stars (for the trailer though I'm sure the movie will be a 5/5)

CC: Two words: Kurt Russell. Can't-stop-won't-stop. Tarantino gets it. The trailer is a 4/5 and the movie will be a 5/5.

JP: I'm so in the camp rooting for the Captain Ronaissance.

It seems like there's some crazy reverse logic when it comes to grading these trailers, though. Like if the movie is going to be great (seemingly) then the trailer is graded on its own merits, but if it's an obviously total shit movie, then the trailer is almost collateral damage of its shittiness.

JB: Well, yes and no. Sometimes we get a great trailer for a bad movie (Man of Steel), for which the trailer might be judged on its own merit. But more often we get a bad trailer for a pretty good movie, and the movie suffers unjustly. Here, we have neither I suppose. We have potentially good movies with good trailers, and undoubtedly bad movies with bad trailers.

JP: It's a real chicken/egg situation.

JB: Let's not forget the purpose of movie trailers for the studios. And I think Anders is right - best trailer should be a category at the Ocsars.

JP: Anyway, I dig this trailer a lot. I'm unable to separate the source material from the edit offered, I suppose. This thing is a 5/5 for me. It looks absolutely ridiculous, fun, beautiful, like some crazy snow-covered western version of Cantebury Tales or something. I'm all in.

JB: Please tell me we have time to cover the new Will Smith flick!

Jeff - "Maybe next time..."

JP: Hopefully by that time we'll have a Bad Boys 3 trailer, too.

JB: We can dream.

Ratings:
Anders: 3
Brian: 3
Clark: 4
Jarryd: 3
Jeff: 5

Overall: 3.6/5

The Trailer Park, Volume 1 Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Fantastic Four, Jurassic World, Ant-Man

The Trailer Park will be The Bit Players’ periodic haven for discussing all of the biggest trailers of the moment. We take to YouTube and push a a group text to its reasonable limits to hash out our excitements and concerns based on the trailers alone, from those with a connoisseur-level appreciation for the art of trailers to others with a milder approach to the short clips that get us pumped for the movies we love. Enjoy our back-and-forth as we see these trailers for the first time and react to them together.

The Trailer Park will be The Bit Players' periodic haven for discussing all of the biggest trailers of the moment. We take to YouTube and push a a group text to its reasonable limits to hash out our excitements and concerns based on the trailers alone, from those with a connoisseur-level appreciation for the art of trailers to others with a milder approach to the short clips that get us pumped for the movies we love. Enjoy our back-and-forth as we see these trailers for the first time and react to them together.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens

Jeff Pearson: That "Force Theme" though.

Anders Oster: Is that what the actual song is called? I found a video of the trailer, audio only. Pretty awesome.

JP: That's what my minimal effort Googling the song yielded. Either way, perfect way to start the trailer. The music is half the battle, at least, with Star Wars, and that got me instantly amped.

AO: Highlights of the trailer for me:

  • The opening shot of the crashed Star Destroyer.
  • Young Mark Hamill voiceover.
  • Realistic looking battle scene with the Storm Troopers.
  • Millennium Falcon old-school chase scene.
  • The music (I'm about as excited for the soundtrack as I am for the movie).

JP: I love the concept that this film seems to be humanizing the Storm Troopers more. I'm not very well-versed in Star Wars lore but I can't recall a time other than in both of the teasers for Episode VII that we really even see a Storm Trooper's face, and this one seems to be a central character. All about stripping that henchman mentality.

AO: Yeah, it's interesting too because up until this installment it's been a clone army, so every Storm Trooper is based off of Jango Fett (Boba Fett's father). Supposedly they have run out of clones and are recruiting nowadays.

JP: "Nowadays."

Brian Urrutia: The preferred adverb of Star Wars fans everywhere. Isn't there a Fett in the trailer? Boba... maybe?

AO: I don't remember seeing him in the trailer but hardcore Star Wars fans will apparently tell you you're not a real fan if you don't know he's still alive.

JP: I like how Anders says "apparently" like he hasn't seen that very thing happening on the boards.

BU: Damn, I'm confusing the movie trailer with the recent trailer for the new Star Wars video game. That's really saying something for that Battlefront trailer though...

AO: The boards are the number one place to go for movie plot research. That trailer is amazing too.

BU: So Anders, are we supposed to understand that one of these main characters is a Skywalker?

AO: I think it teases at that thought without saying for sure. I personally think Daisy Ridley will be a Skywalker from either Luke or Leia. Some people think that the voiceover is actually Luke's or Leia's son talking.

BU: So we're dealing with autosomal dominant pattern of inheritance for the Force?

JP: *Falls asleep.*

AO: Either only dominant or only recessive alleles present.

Clark Carmichael: The Force has always been something that favors some genetic lineages over others. Annakin, Luke. Even though Leia didn't use the Force to my knowledge.

AO: Only once that I can think of in Empire when she hears Luke calling out to her.

CC: Yeah. But I think that might have been Luke's Force, not hers.

AO: Newton's third law holds true even for the Star Wars version of force.

CC: The more I see of this movie the more I am realizing this is Spielberg-in-his-prime-gets-to-make-a-Star Wars-movie movie. The last trailer, this one.

I'm excited.

BU: Yeah, Abrams is pretty similar to Spielberg in his vision of a blockbuster. I'd love to hear what Spielberg thought of Super 8.

CC: I also don't mean that as a slight to Abrams. I think he does some things better than Spielberg.

BU: Yeah, I like Abrams' villains better than Spielberg's, which I think include Hook, a shark, and Nazis.

CC: Yeah, definitely. Nazis, Dinosaurs and a Big Shark: A Dissection of Spielberg's Villains.

BU: Does anyone have any idea who this villain in Star Wars is supposed to be? I feel bad for him. It looks like he has some kind respiratory issues like Darth. #wheezy

CC: He needs an inhaler for sure. He needs to sign up for the Intergalactic ACA. From what little I have seen it seems like Adam Driver is maybe a fighter pilot who is shot down on a planet with some Sith relics and he has some injuries and resentments to the Federation and he gets reeeeal dark.

JP:
Darth Weezy

Darth Weezy.

CC: It looks like the back of his head is sort of blown up a bit.

AO: Oh, that reminds me of another highlight for me. Oscar Isaac's scream. Great excitement scream.

CC: Oh yeah. He definitely made my heart race a bit with his palpable excitement. I love the cast as we see more. They seem to really fit perfect with the original trilogy.

BU: They don't call him Oscar for nothing, right, Jeff?

JP: I'm going to be honest. I didn't recognize a single actor. I don't think I was paying much attention.

BU: *I'm going to be honest: I'm the villain; I'm a Sith Lord.

CC: I didn't either until the trailers started. But we still haven't seen Domnhall Gleeson. 3/5.

JP: I mean I wasn't even paying attention during the trailer. Having said that, 5/5, amazing trailer.

CC: It's really good. Maybe my rating system is different though. I'll give it a 4/5 revision.

BU: 5/5 for me. the music and chase scenes were the perfect reminder of why I love Star Wars.

JP: There were chase scenes? I honestly don't think I even watched it now that I think about it. 6/5.

AO: I couldn't possibly give this any less than a 5/5. And now, knowing that 6/5 is an option, I don't think I could give it anything less than a 12/5.

Jarryd Baxter: 4/5.

JP: Welcome to the fray, Geri.

JB: What's the word, turds?

Ratings:
Anders: 12
Brian: 5
Clark: 4
Jarryd: 4
Jeff: 6

Overall: 6.2/5

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

BU: Man I'm so worried about Batman v Superman. I was rewatching Man Of Steel this morning and didn't feel encouraged that a lot of the same hands are on deck for Batman v Superman. One of the writers is new and it's Chris Terrio, who wrote Argo. Maybe there's hope....

JP: Brian, allow me to ease your worried mind regarding Batman v Superman. The last thing I want is for you to be anxious and worried all year thinking about whether it will be any good, and I'm here to help. It's going to be awful. You can rest easy.

JB: This trailer has some serious work cut out for it if it wants to be better than the Man of Steel trailer.

CC: For real. That was the best trailer ever. You mentioning it makes me crave an all-time list.

JP: If I was Zack Snyder I'd be more worried about making the movie itself better than Batman & Robin. Which, judging from this trailer, doesn't seem like much of a possibility.

CC: Damn hater Jeff! To me the trailer exudes a much darker tone than we were left with after Man of Steel.

JP: The more I think about my statement the less it seems like a put-down. It's hard for any film to compete with Mr. Freeze.

CC: Arnold!

JB: Cool off!

If Neil DeGrasse Tyson is the ultimate authority on superheroes in this universe, I have faith in this movie.

CC: Is he a consultant on this?

JB: He's in the voice over at the beginning.

CC: Okay, that makes sense.

JB: Speaking of voices, I really like Affleck's Batman voice.

CC: Definitely. Maybe this will be a failure of a movie with a great Batman voice, the exact opposite of the Nolan/Bale trilogy.

JP: Is there an inverse relationship between quality of the film and quality of the Batman voice? I can't remember if Keaton even disguised his, which would be a directly opposing type of absurdity than Bale's.

Just Michael Keaton's voice as the Batman voice.

CC: Absolutely. I will make an infographic about Batman voices in the near future.

I can't believe George Clooney and Val Kilmer were Batman. I need to rewatch those.

JP: Dieter von Wayne.

CC: He was sort of fat as Bruce Wayne too. Definitely not his thinnest.

JP: Oh, they're great. In a lot of ways I prefer them over the Keaton Batman films. No stakes.

CC: Yeah, totally. Hidden gems, those.

JP: You don't have to engage your mind at all. They're perfect.

CC: Did Michael Bay do one of those? He must have.

Joel Schumacher! The thinking man's Michael Bay, I've always said.

JP: I haven't really read the responses to the trailer but are Batman's blue light-up eyes the new Batman's nipples?

BU: What is ol' Joel Schumacher up to? Anyways, all this poo-pooing the Batman v Superman trailer is...valid i fear. There are tons of heroes and villains in this movie and that's what submarined the Batman franchise and Schumacher's career. I mean even Aquaman is in this new movie!

All that said, I think Batman v Superman can be extraordinary if they lean heavily on this villainize Superman. But even that's risky because villainous Superman wouldn't be as good as villainous Batman. I kind of feel that all these superhero movies are only as good as their villains. Le sigh, I'm left wishing Snyder just adapted the Dark Knight Returns comic. Sideways Smiley.

JB: I can buy JC as a villain. At least from that trailer. Devils come from the sky, Holmes.

BU: It's true. I hope they don't develop that point because I had a line similar to that in my Satan origin story.

I just hope that Snyder uses more sets/models rather than rely on CGI. That seems to be Abrams' approach with Star Wars and I think movies somehow end up better that way.

JP: Sets and models are what movies are all about.

JB: I'm not sure that even a well developed villain would have saved Schumacher's career, Joe.

JP: I think Batman was the well-developed villain in Schumacher's career.

At this point can we just talk about Batman & Robin at length? That might be my next pick.

CC: The Batman movies have always been cash cows. I'm sure this will be no different, though it might be the 4th or 5th best selling movie of the year. This year is going to break a lot of records. Shit, look at Furious 7. This trailer has people talking and less skeptical than they were a few months ago about this project. It's not the best trailer but it does its job. 3/5.

And Jeff, if you pick Batman & Robin I will suck your fucking diiiick (all of our listeners have seen MacGruber by now?)

AO: Man I'm so excited about Batman v Superman. I was rewatching Man Of Steel this morning and I felt very encouraged that a lot of the same hands are on deck for Batman v Superman. One of the writers is new and it's Chris Terrio, who wrote Argo. Maybe they're going in the wrong direction with him....

I'm excited for this movie and I think it's a good trailer but it's just totally overshadowed by the Star Wars trailer, like all the other trailers. I agree with Clark, I think. Nothing all too special about the trailer but it brings me a step further on my journey of gradual excitement. 3/5.

JP: I'm going to give it a 2/5 simply because I need to save my gold standards of shittiness for the much worse trailers we are about to discuss. Sorry, Anders. I still love you.

AO: I'm starting to like this guy. Just kidding! I still hate you!

JB: 3/5. This is too short to get any more stars or even be considered a trailer, but it certainly accomplishes its main goals of creating interest, suspense, and getting me excited for the movie.

BU: I give it the coveted 12/5 stars. Finally a good Batman voice and I think Ben Affleck and his Batman will be the closest thing to the Batman: The Animated Series look and feel.

Ratings:
Anders: 3
Brian: 12
Clark: 3
Jarryd: 3
Jeff: 2

Overall: 4.6/5

Fantastic Four

AO: The Fantastic Four trailer is not great for me. The best part is that it looks visually cool to me. I like how they've visualized the characters and their powers. Dr. Doom looks pretty comic booky as opposed to realistic which I like (from one shot of him, he looks to be in DK mode).

JB: I may be in the minority but I am actually pretty excited about this Fantastic Four trailer. Two great actors are coming off of Oscar-worthy performances and have a lot at stake. We don't see much from Jordan in the trailer but how can you not love Teller? He may carry this movie. I thought we all loved origin stories, Anders?

For the record, I have a history of getting duped into excitement over superhero movies only to be extremely let down. (See The Amazing Spider-Man films). Having said that, this movie will be incredible.

JP: First of all, I'll never see the Amazing Spider-Man films.

Second of all, you couldn't be more wrong. This thing looks like a series on the WB or something.

JB: You didn't like Dawson's Creek?

JP: I immediately regretted that statement. I was literally grasping at the air in front of me hoping to pull it back to my fingertips. Gilmore Girls, Dawson's Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed? I'm ashamed.

CC: Finally, some discord! I agree with Bax that it looks great.

JP: What about it looks great? Legitimately curious. I want to look out for it when I watch it again.

CC: This trailer isn't great, but it's good enough. I like the players, though I can't tell if Trank is in post production isolation or meltdown mode by missing that Star Wars panel a few days ago.

JP: I thought their leader was Fernando Viña for a second.

CC: I love the actors. I loved Chronicle. I think this could be the surprise hit of the year.

JB: Just like Charmed was the surprise hit of the WB lineup. Great analogy, Clark.

CC: Yes, defintiely the same.

I also love that with this franchise you have to be so comic book-y. The powers all happen at once to all of them and it is awesome. One of their characters is permanently made of rocks.

BU: I'm with Jeff on Fantastic Four. Looks like the team from The Vampire Diaries is helping out with production. Fantastic Four, as a group/stable, cut me deep with Rise of the Silver Surfer back in 2007. I'm glad the franchise is having another go at Dr. Doom (who weirdly seems to head up the Marvel bad guy conglomerates every time) but come on, no more Silver Surfer?! This is a man who can rearrange matter and surfs around the galaxy.

JP: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not bring The Vampire Diaries into this. Next thing I know you're going to be going in on my girls on Pretty Little Liars.

BU: The original Dr. Doom (Julian McMahon) was actually on Charmed... These roots run deep.

To be permanently made of rocks is maybe the worst trade off for a super power

AO: "I'm afraid it's irreversible. You're going to be made of rocks...forever.

BU: "But I can change back to normal for, like, sex and dumps, right?"

"No. No, there won't be any of that, I'm afraid.

AO: Sex and dumps.

BU: "Oh, god. What am I supposed to do to blend into society?"

"We made this extra large trench coat and fedora."

CC: He's also lucky he got strength too. I have to imagine of the possible mutations that can occur that just being a rock without strength is way more likely than being a rock with strength.

Gotta be.

Just a normal sack of rocks.

One of these days a comic really needs to come out with a just terrible mutation. Pretty sure that, statistically, most of these gamma ray accident chambers would be making like thousands of horrific freaks for every Bruce Banner.

JP: I definitely see the appeal of a super hero whose power is to be rocks. Not going to bump this trailer up from a 1/5 for me, though. The fedora got it close, but not close enough.

CC: I'll give it the Fantastic Four trailer 2/5 because I believe the film will be better than the trailer leads us to believe. Bad job, trailer.

AO: I give this one a 3/5. Leaves them room to improve on this trailer which was not great. Though I can't wait to see this. I really enjoyed Chronicle too.

BU: I give this one 3/5 too. I have faith in Teller but not much else. It looks a bit like Green Lantern and I haven't recovered from how awful that movie was.

JP: You guys are liberal with those stars, man.

JB: Teller makes it a 3/5. Every line he offers in the trailer is great. I can't wait to see the rest.

Ratings:
Anders: 3
Brian: 3
Clark: 2
Jarryd: 3
Jeff: 1

Overall: 2.4/5

Jurassic World

BU: Sigh again. I don't feel good about this at all. Not even Chris Pratt with his limitless wit and charm can save this movie.

But of course I'll see it at midnight.

CC: Okay, we are all Jurassic Park kids. All I have to say about this trailer is I wish they showed us way less and built the tension way more. It's just a let down to see all this stuff before the director is given a chance to bring you into the world on the big screen. Yes it all looks silly. But I love the banter from Chris Pratt in everything. He's just great on camera. I too will be seeing this at midnight without any doubt.

Also it sucks that we are not more excited. There's something amiss I'm afraid.

BU: I would have loved to hear the Jurassic Park score as the encore for the John Williams concert.

JP: I agree that the problems with this seem to be mainly trailer-related and not necessarily film-related. I doubt it will be very good but it will certainly be entertaining. Can't say I'm very excited about it though. Save me a seat at midnight, Brian, would ya?

*Hours later*

After watching it more I think I was wrong. This movie's going to blow. A trailer is like a cupcake is to a movie's cake. If you're making a cupcake using the same ingredients as the cake and the cupcake sucks, so too will the cake.

BU: An analogy that uses cupcakes and trailers? I defer to Anders.

JB: I couldn't agree more, guys. This movie will be terrible and that makes me very sad. You're right. They showed their cards too early and only have a pair of sixes. They even showed the re-creation of the kids in the car scene.

It looks like just another run of the mill action/monster flick (not necessarily a bad thing), but with the Jurassic Park moniker attached to it, we are not wrong to expect much, much more.

Tasteless cupcakes.

CC: I also just pull for Chris Pratt as a person but I fear he can't make this movie NOT a colossal disappointment. See y'all at midnight! 1/5

JB: 1/5.

AO: I keep watching this trailer hoping it will inspire some level of excitement in me but I've got nothing so far. I agree with Geri. Bad trailer. 1/5. Unsubscribe. See you guys at midnight.

And I love the cupcake trailer analogy. The third Man of Steel trailer must have just been the ice cream cupcake that managed to steal all the ice cream from a still delicious chocolate cake.

JB: What the heck is an ice cream cupcake?

AO: It's a mini ice cream cake. Just like a cupcake is a mini cake.

BU: Haven't seen that on the menu before, Geri?

1/5 for Jurassic World. I'll save ya'll seats at midnight.

JB: Do not save me a seat.

I will go to sleep and see it the next day, alone.

CC: Bitter.

JP: 1/5. Save me a seat, but only because I never pass up an opportunity for cake. Even gross, over-iced cake.

Maybe we could actually bring in a cake. Counteracting agent.

Ratings:
Anders: 1
Brian: 1
Clark: 1
Jarryd: 1
Jeff: 1

Overall: 1/5

Ant-Man

JP: For as charming and likeable as Chris Pratt is, Paul Rudd is tenfold more charming and likeable to me. I've been all in since Clueless. We are only four years away from Blade Runner; I think we could easily revamp the Voight-Kampff test to just be showing clips of Paul Rudd movies, and if they don't swoon, they're a replicant.

CC: I can't think of anything he's done that wasn't awesome, but then he's never been a superhero. I was extremely skeptical at first, but this trailer has me wondering why I ever was. Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas, Kate from Lost and U.S. Representative Peter Russo? Consider me fully on board. I only wonder how Ant-Man will fit into the Avengers: Infinity Wars story arc.

JP: My only concern is the whole Edgar Wright saga. I was so psyched to see he was going to write it and direct it, and when he dropped from the project, the skepticism started to build. Just to pour salt in the wounds, Joss Whedon recently said he "thought the script was not only the best script that Marvel had ever had, but the most Marvel script [he'd] read." I just hope there's enough of Wright's screenplay buried in there in the finished product.

CC: He's still a credited writer. Though I guess he wouldn't have left if they were going to keep his script.

JP: From what I gather, they sliced up his script pretty much beyond recognition. I'm still excited, but with Wright at the helm it couldn't have been anything but a classic. I'm still super excited though, just mildly concerned.

I can't wait to see Rudd go on Conan with his clip from Ant-Man, too.

AO: It's brilliant every time he does it. I'd say Paul Rudd is number two for me as a charming and likeable lead man. He's so funny in Our Idiot Brother, Knocked Up, This Is 40, Wanderlust, and some others I can't think of right now. Although Rudd is not usually the leading man in a movie like this one, this trailer gives me a lot of hope. Highlights of the trailer for me are the opening scene buildup to that initial joke (not the funniest thing ever but sets up the tone of the movie perfectly), Corey Stoll as the villain (I've been a fan of his ever since he played Hemingway in Midnight in Paris), and the train crash scene at the end. Not up to Star Wars level for sure but a solid trailer that gives me an idea about a movie I couldn't picture working. 4/5.

JP: Best part of the trailer is definitely the wide shot of the toy train crashing, and then zooming back in on the ant-sized action with the standard action trailer music playing. I hope there are lots of self-reflexive moments like that in the film (which I'm sure would be leftover moments from Wright, who does that self-deprecating genre reflexivity so, so well).

The worst thing this film could do would be to take itself too seriously, and that moment has me feeling pretty good about its awareness to that fact. If they just make this thing fun, it'll be a hit.

CC: Yeah, this looks like it's snuggling up nice next to the Iron Man trilogy and Guardians of the Galaxy as a little more of a humor-centric Marvel Cinematic Universe installment. Love that. 4/5.

Thor was quite funny too, and I consider that an underrated member of the MCU.

JP: Going with a 4/5 as well. This trailer shows a lot of promise that I hope ends up fulfilled. Mostly I'm just #rootingforRudd.

BU: 3/5 from me. From the looks of this trailer, the movie knows that people will have little to no knowledge of Ant-Man before seeing the movie, something that Guardians had to face too. Guardians had Pratt and company, and Ant-Man has Rudd. If anyone can bring an audience to Ant-Man, it's him. Good spot on the villain, Andie. I would have been just as happy if Ant-Man had a time machine and had to go back and beat Hemmingway's ass too.

JP: Oh my god, Hemingway would have hated Paul Rudd. Maybe he was a replicant.

BU: Oh yeah, is Chris Pratt going to star in a Blade Runner remake?

JB: 3/5. Looks like a fun time.

CC: Why does chris Pratt get associated with all Harrison Ford roles? I mean, I can see it with the sarcasm, but they are not very similar other than that.

JP: Harrison Ford would play a killer Burt Macklin, coming out of retirement for one last case.

BU: I'm with you, man. You really wonder what kind of outside the box thinking goes on at these studios when they prepare to reboot a series.

"Get Pratt's people on the phone."
"Chris Pratt? For Harrison's role?"
"Yep. He's a dead ringer."
"But how?"
"He's sarcastic and has the face of a man."
"My god. You're right!"

CC: No doubt Hollywood is plagued with tunnel vision.

Ratings:
Anders: 4
Brian: 3
Clark: 4
Jarryd: 3
Jeff: 4

Overall: 3.6/5