If you've ever listened to an episode and felt completely lost with some of the terms used, this glossary is to index our internal language for you. Click through the alphabet below to find a term you might have heard used or just enjoy reading through it. If you're ever confused about something we've said, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll add it to the glossary.
1. Jason Patric, star of Lost Boys, Speed 2: Cruise Control:
Boy 1: Who was that dude in Speed 2: Cruise Control again?
Boy 2: The one who replaced Keanu?
Boy 1: Yeah, yeah, that one.
Boy 3: Wasn't that Adam Baldwin? The unknown Baldwin brother?
Boy 2: Probably.
2. actually a real fucking person:
Boy 1: Holy shit, guys. Adam Baldwin is a real person. He was in Full Metal Jacket. Definitely not Speed 2: Cruise Control, though.
1. Patron saint of Bojangles'
1. The aural result of not using earbuds to block out echoes from other tracks being picked up by the microphone:
Wait, you were serious about wearing earbuds? Is that why my track has so much bleeding on it?
2. The physical result of using earbuds to block out echoes from other tracks being picked up by the microphone:
Oh my god my ears. I can't stop them from bleeding all over the place.
1. A heavenly biscuit-filled abode:
They're trying to kill me at Bojangles'!
1. The deific songwriter/genius from the Beach Boys:
Pet Sounds has to be one of the greatest achievements in pop music. Brian Wilson is on another level.
2. Head biscuit-maker at Bojangles':
This Boberry biscuit has to be one of the greatest achievements in mass-produced dessert foods. Brian Wilson is on another level.
1. The main character in a story, usually the good guy:
I was very surprised that they killed the central protag off so early in The Bible. Really thought God was going to go a different direction there.
1. Anders's number one gal, "Cinny":
Sorry, boys. Can't tonight. Cinny has come-a-knockin'.
[see oh vee]
1. Clarity of Vision clause, the principle that allows a curator to change his mind on a film when they realize it would be a huge speed bump:
I think I might need to use my COV this time around. I'm really not feeling Citizen Kane; let's go with The Mighty Ducks instead.
2. The act of employing the Clarity of Vision clause:
Guys, I really need to COV out of Spartacus. I made a huge mistake picking this; how about we do — let's see — Color Me Kubrick instead, so we can stick with the Kubrick theme.
1. Yearly event on the night of the Academy Awards during which the Bit Players select new additions to their fantasy Oscar teams:
Do you think there will ever be a worse pick in a draft than Mila Kunis taken in year one?
2. The act of participating in the yearly fantasy Oscar event:
3. The act of selecting an actor/actress for a fantasy team:
Probably not. I couldn't believe it when Clark decided to draft Mila Kunis in year one.
4. A type of pick, differs from a podcast selection:
Yeah, you're right. There's definitely no way there's a worse draft pick than Mila Kunis taken in year one.
1. The angel on the shoulder of the Bit Players as they record every episode. If you're listening to an episode, chances are a picture of the Amewican Dweam is not far away:
Dusty Rhodes once said: "The man of the hour, the man with the power. I am the hit-maker, the record-breaker. I got style and grace, a pretty face. I’ll make your back crack, your liver quiver. If you ain’t into this match, you’re at the wrong address. Superstar, when the other wrestlers are smilin’ and jokin, The Dream be, WOO!, cookin’ and smokin’."
five chicken patties on a footlong
[fyv chih-kin pat-ees on a foot-lon-g]
1. Colloquial usage for "What Movies are About," signifying a baguette packed with goodness:
I don't think I've ever seen a film more five patties on a footlong than the Matrix.
1. Frances McDormand, star of Fargo, Olive Kitteridge:
Frances McDonald put in a really amazing performance for Fargo; it was so great it garnered her an Oscar.
Free Biscuit Hour
[free bis-kit ow-ur]
1. The magic moment right after Bojangles' closes when the angels descend on customers with free food that was going to be thrown away anyway:
Teen 1: Yo, put out that blunt real quick; Bojangles' is about to close.
Teen 2: *inhales* *coughs* Perfect. It's about time for Free Biscuit Hour. *passes blunt*
1. Entirely real, certainly not theoretical, amount of money signifying $1,000 that is betted freely to be paid on Columbus Day when the Bit Players turn 43:
I will bet you six Gs that Ben Roethlisberger throws a touchdown on the next play.
*Roethlisberger throws an interception*
*Looks down at kneecaps fearfully*
The Holy Trinity
[thee ho-lee trin-eh-tee]
1. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost of the Bit Players. Comprised of Joe Horn, Michael Vick, and Adeen. Surrounded by the two apostles Brian Wilson and Joakim Noah:
When are you going to get that tattoo of the Holy Trinity on your back?
1. A type of list in which a person selects movies to watch on an individual basis:
My indie list is incredible. I thought about putting Rashomon on it but decided to just do Anaconda instead.
2. [colloquial usage]
I'm firing up my indie today! It's got a couple MacGrubers and a three-pack of Riddicks.
2. A Bojangles' apostle traveling the country preaching the gospel:
Did you hear Joakim Noah after the Gators won the National Championship? He said the team was going to Bojangles'.
1. Former NFL wide receiver:
Joe Horn was a pretty decent player. He amassed more than 600 catches, more than 8,000 yards, and more than 50 touchdowns. Pretty solid.
1. The act of refusing to watch a critically-acclaimed movie on the principle that it is too critically-acclaimed:
I think I'm just going to King's Speech Citizen Kane. I can't even take it. Let's put Dante's Peak on instead.
2. An Academy Award-winning film starring Colin Firth:
I fell asleep six times during the King's Speech. Still felt too long.
1. Anatomical normality that most individuals possess, big empty gap in all of the Bit Players bodies from Anders's violent retaliation for debts of Gs unpaid:
I really miss my kneecaps you guys.
1. Constantly varying representations of our recorded voice, perpetual source of sorrow for Jeff:
Anders: Yeah, Jeff, my levels are looking great! Sending them now.
*Steady wall of undistinguishable noise plays on Jeff's computer*
Anders: How's it sound?!
[el bee bee]
1. Limb Broken Backwards:
Oh, shit! Did you see that shinbone poking out on that LBB?
[el bee bee bee]
1. Limb Badly Broken Backwards:
Oh the humanity! That shinbone is completely splintered! There's blood and bone bits everywhere! What a gnarly LBBB!
1. A magical coming-together of films where participants each select five movies and toss the names of said films into a hat to pick a lengthy viewing session whenever that particular group of people are together:
Scott! What the hell, man? This was a great list until you split those MacGrubers with fucking No Country for Old Men!
Man of Steel trailer 3
[man uhv steel tray-ler three]
1. The pinnacle of movie trailerdom, which all movie trailers should aspire to:
I still watch the Man of Steel trailer 3 and just think what could have been. I still feel hoodwinked.
1. Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback, years-long bringer of joy, part-time dog murderer, full-time Ron Mexico:
Michael Vick blew my nips off with that run last night.
1. A selection of a movie that will be featured on the Bit Players podcast, which, when engaged, sparks brief lapses of insanity in all of the Bit Players where they make selection for years in advance:
What the hell happened last night? We have picks through 2022, now.
2. The act of making said selection:
You going to pick, or what, bro? You're holding everyone up. You can just COV it anyway, so pick already.
1. Advanced, more extreme speed bump:
Whew. I thought Talk to Her was just going to be a minor speed bump but it's really turning into a serious road block. Traffic is piling up behind it.
roll them bones
[rol thim bonz]
1. The act of selecting the curation or draft order for the Bit Players, in which each name is written on small bits of paper, crumpled into a ball, and thrown across the carpet. Order is determined by ball order, left to right:
It's a new year fellas! New picks! Roll them bones!
[seck-und billd vill-en]
1. Lead henchman, usually the right-hand man/woman to the lead villain of a film:
Val Kilmer in Heat is one of the more iconic second-billed villains of all time. He's almost the prototype for all of the lead henchmen who have come since.
1. A film which serves as a minor hiccup in the progression of a movie list:
It's a pretty serious speed bump. I mean, it's no Mt. King's Speech, but it's still going to be tough.
1. Peter Jackson, director of the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies:
Man, Stephen Jackson made Fellowship of the Ring like six hours and couldn't give us a little Tom Bombadil? What's up with that?
[tee ee ay-ch]
1. Totally Exploded Head:
I really think that face-melting scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark would have been taken to the next level with a nice TEH, but hey, I'm old-fashioned that way.
What Movies are About
[wut moo-vees arr uh-bow-t]
1. The highest distinction that the Bit Players may bestow upon a film:
Star Wars is truly What Movies are About. A full five chicken patties on a footlong.